I’ve found myself at the back of aisle 3. Only Minutes before, I was resting comfortably in my flannel pajamas watching Frank fake his own death. Today wasn’t suppose to be “The day”. “The Day” wasn’t suppose to come until Tuesday. I know this to be a fact, because in a bright red box on my calendar reads “The Day”. That is the day that I’m suppose to go to a store, such as this; make my way to an aisle, like this one, and proceed down that aisle when I was ready. On my own terms. Today is not Tuesday, today is not supposed to be “The Day”. I haven’t even practiced.
But today I’m here. Trying to strategically maneuver through an open air market, filled with tempting confectionery assortments. Trying not to lock eyes with the gangling red-head teen passing out samples of heaven, fresh from the bakeries ovens. I lowered my eyes and hurried on.
Now I find myself standing here. The aisle with cookies, candy and every piece of sweetness in between. The back of aisle 3. This place is liken to a dark alley in the back of an abandoned high-rise at midnight. Lingering shells of what use to be your typical mom, dad or maybe grandmother; shuffling slowly left and right as if trying to stay warm, looking for their next fix. Trails of muddy water pool on the ground as ice melts off worn out boot soles . A light flickers above the aisle casting shadows on the shelves. Two women reach for the last bag of sugary sours. The older of the two, grabs the bag and hurries along leaving the younger to scrounge around for a different fix. This is the place where humility comes to die.
I find myself here now… waiting. Waiting to battle “The Urge “. Looking toward the ground I slowly start my decent into oblivion. Halfway down, no signs of The Urge. I raise my eyes to glance at the shelves, awaiting that mouth-watering, instinctual reach for one of my many pleasures. My eyes darting around searching for what satisfies my sweet tooth. Bewilderment! Nothing calls out to me. Nothing seems to awaken my sweet tooth and forces me into a buying frenzy. Not Sour Patches nor Snickers. Not Twix or even Twizzlers. I’m feeling proud of myself with no self-defeat in sight. Day 7 “The struggle has been discontinued”